Top 10 Favorite Satans

It's more than a little shameful that I haven't written anything since June and I'm well aware of this. No movie reviews. No costume analysis. No totally random pop culture critiques. No personal nonsense  For a while I thought it was because of a lack of things to write about but now I can see that that is the symptom and not the cause. Every spare second of time that I have had in the last few months has been filled. If I haven't been running off to Washington DC, seeing musicals in New York or Boston, getting my colonial history on in Salem (one of my favorite New England towns) or rocking out to one of my all-time favorite bands in Nowheresville, New Jersey, I have been parking it in front of my computer filling out endless job applications. Of course, sometimes the end result of filling out job applications is the acquisition of a job and while I am super happy with said new job, I am now working two part time jobs resulting in over 50 hours a week which leaves little time for pop culture but a lot of time to brag about my adventures to coworkers.

The only thing I felt provoked to write about in the last few months in terms of pop culture has been about music, the only thing I have had any time for and that's mainly because of how much time I have been spending in my car. I thought about writing about how the rock genre is floundering in the 2010s (and the punk genre is dying) or something about the emotional connection one can develop with music but I haven't had time to research the first and I basically wrote the other one off as something for my personal journal. Other than that I've been managing to SLOWLY work my way through "Downton Abbey" which would be great for a costume analysis if I had any desire at all to get that many screencaps. And I really, really don't.

So instead, I'd like to talk to you about Satan.

He's one of my favorite literary characters, he's an element in a lot of people's religious beliefs, and he's very open to interpretation leading to all sorts of Devils in literature, film, television, and music. With Halloween, my favorite holiday as I wrote about last year, only recently past, the Devil has spent a bit of time on the forefront of people's minds and his horns on the top of people's heads (including mine) so I figured it might be interesting to rack my brain for some of my favorite versions of Old Scratch. He has looked like everything from an incomprehensible Nightmare Fuel beast to the mulleted and red-skinned finger-puppet on my bookshelf to Elizabeth Hurley and has an ever-changeable personality to match.



10. Beelzebub from "Beelz" by Stephen Lynch

The Devil has had a lot of influence in music. Some think he invented the rock genre (which isn't true but try telling the former Pope that). He has however been running with Van Halen, been given sympathy by the Rolling Stones, and apparently, fathered musical comedian Stephen Lynch. In the song "Beelz" off Lynch's second album The Craig Machine, Lynch starts by describing a fairly typical menacing interpretation of Lucifer before quickly flipping into a high pitched and feminine, "My name is Satan!" Beelzebub, but you can called him Beelz, describes himself physically in terms that seem conducive to a lot of the conventional ideas: goatee, horns, hooves. The album art even has a picture of him as a red-faced and horned stereotype and aside from Beelz's girly voice, he does seem to like typical evil things for the Devil. Of course, he also has some more unique hobbies including romantic walks, watching Fox News, and being a Red Sox fan. While I may not be a fan of baseball, as a part-time Bostonian it's nice to know that someone down there likes us.

9. The Devil from Tim Timebomb's Rock N Roll Theater

Sometimes the Devil doesn't come in the form of some kind of beast. One time the Devil came in the adorable form of a pink-suited Davey Havok with a John Waters-esque pedostache. Kind of a ham, as many devils are, he doesn't want to torture sinners so much as he wants to party with them and stage elaborate song and dance numbers. In the first episode of what will hopefully be more of Tim Timebomb's Rock N' Roll Theater, the devil is perfectly happy to be BFF's with our sinner main character, Dante Wison, and get him laid all in admiration for the debauchery he lived in prior to his sudden demise. But don't ever try to usurp him and fire his elevator girl. He may seem pretty harmless but he knows how to give you exactly what you deserve.

8. Satan from Dante's Inferno

One of the oldest interpretations of the Devil happens to also be one of the more unique and has been rarely built upon by all the literature, media, and music that has come after it. The Devil in Dante's Inferno can be found in the very bottom of the ninth and last level of hell, the level reserved for the traitorous, a level covered in ice that freezes the tears of its inhabitants. Physically, the Devil is a three-headed monstrous beast bearing the heads of who Dante considered to be three of the biggest traitors in history at the time: Brutus, Cassius, and right in the center place of honor, red-faced Judas. Satan is huge and ugly with bat-like wings that seem like they are trying to escape and spends his time crying tears of blood while chewing up sinners in his three mouths. Instead of being a scary figure or a manipulative one, this devil is portrayed as being intimidating but kind of ashamed and depressed, and, compared to his other representations, kind of pathetic. He's just another repenting sinner which makes this interpretation particularly contrary to most of the other ideas about Satan.

7. Satan from South Park

It's far more common for Satan to take on minions than it is for him to date but I guess if he's going to settle down, it would make sense for him to do so with an evil dictator. Saddam Hussein's ex-boyfriend is another one of those traditional red-skinned, horned monsters but don't let his appearance fool you. He can be pretty cuddly (although you probably wouldn't want to actually cuddle him unless you're one of his boyfriends). Sometimes he grants wishes to people who help him or decorates Hell for Christmastime to cheer up the sinners and he's actually pretty sensitive and nice. He puts on his scary face once in a while but it's pretty much an act. He always seemed to be less vengeful and more like just another one of the condemned, making him one of the Satans who is most similar to Dante's Satan. But Dante's Satan never put on a sexy schoolgirl costume. So there's that.



6. Kyubey from Puella Magi Madoka Magica

I'm gonna have to walk you through this one, especially if you have never watched an anime. Kyubey is not technically the Devil (although I could actually be wrong) but his role in the story is that of the Devil in the classic Faustian tale. He requests servitude from foolish victims in exchange for a wish and, of course, makes it seem like the payment will not be too bad and may actually be kind of a good time. No one knows the error of their desires until it is too late and he comes to get what he wanted. Hiding behind an innocent cat-like exterior with an unchanging expression and an equally cute voice, he almost seems more like a cousin of Hello Kitty than a creature who is out to feed off vulnerable girl's emotions and ultimately bring about the end of mankind to further his own goals. But he is. So don't make deals with talking creatures that look like Pokemon. 



5. Professor Woland from The Master And Margarita


For another Devil from the category of the "chilling with the humans" type, let us go to the Soviet Union. Woland is angered by the literary elite and their fervently atheist views and part of the reason why he seems to go there is to mess with both the people in power who don't believe in him the most and the greedy bourgeoisie. Strangely enough he also wants to throw a formal ball for all his famous sinners and, if she can endure the party, give an opportunity to a woman named Margarita to be with the man she loves. This Satan is still kind of arrogant and likes to punish sinners but he is not unfair when it comes to punishments and rewards. Physically, he takes on the form of a dark-suited man with a limp and metal capped-teeth and a funky eye although a lot of people can't agree on just how he appears. Unfortunately, Woland is frequently overshadowed by his team of crazy assistants and his motives are unclear a lot of the time so he only takes spot number 5.



4. Hades from Disney's Hercules

As often happens with Disney, the villain is the coolest character in the movie. Hades' goal is simple: overthrow Zeus, take over Mt. Olympus, and maybe pick up some souls along the way. He's a fast-talking deal maker, has frequently had enough of everyone's shit, and is kind of the sassy gay best friend to Megara, a woman whose soul he got in a deal. He also has some of the best deadpan lines in the film. For instance, when asked how things are in the Underworld he says casually, "We'll, they're just fine. You know, a little dark, a little gloomy, and, as always, full of dead people. What are you gonna do?" In an interesting contrast to most interpretations, Hades is blue-skinned and has hair made of a blue flame but turns orange and red when angered. He also rocks a grey toga with a little skull pin on it and has smoke instead of feet. He's a little uptight a lot of the time but maybe sometime he can steal a girl in a field and feed her some pomegranate. I hear that works out well for him.



3. Lucifer from The Devil's Carnival

"I'm not in the business of murdering innocent children. That's God's jurisdiction. I deal only with the guilty" may be one of the best Devil quotes ever. Unlike a lot of modern Devils, Lucifer has the appearance of a more ancient humanoid beast which correlates so well with his personality. He has the very calm demeanor of one who has seen and done it all and spends most of his time seated in his throne, letting his circus performer minions deal out punishments he has set. He may not be very friendly but he is logical to the point where you can't help but agree with him on the points he brings up. By the end he seems to have found renewed interest in his job with the goal of overtaking Heaven but I guess we'll have to wait for The Devil's Carnival 2 (whenever the hell that's coming, no pun intended) to find out how that goes. Oh, and he also has a wonderful bass-baritone singing voice.



2. The First Evil from Buffy The Vampire Slayer

The Buffy universe has a slightly different construction of its afterlife and theistic ideas than the conventional Judo-Christian set-up and as such, its Devil figure is also unique. The First is an incorporeal entity that can assume the form of dead people (including vampires and resurrected people), a power that allows for the ultimate in psychological manipulation. It has existed before people, before even the Old demons, before time perhaps. The First has one main goal: to throw the balance of good and evil in favor of the evil. As with all Devil figures, it cannot be killed, only suppressed, so the next time you start having a conversation with dead people, you shouldn't ask questions, just pick up and move. You probably live on a Hellmouth (I hear there's one in Cleveland). 

1. Satan from Paradise Lost

Okay, so it's kind of an obvious first choice but I would argue that it's still less obvious than if I had given Satan of The Bible the number one spot (and he really doesn't deserve it; however if I made a list of my favorite versions of God, Old Testament God would definitely make that list). The fact is, when I first read some of this poem when I was in high school, I was immediately struck by how John Milton portrayed Lucifer. He's written more like an anti-hero than anything else in his desire to be equal with God and his subsequent jealousy over Adam and Eve is more relatable than deplorable. He may be kind of arrogant but he is not unlikable. You love him and hate him simultaneously and I really think it was this interpretation of the Devil that made a lot of the other ideas on this list possible. Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven, indeed.

Some other notable examples:

* Peaches from Rocko's Modern Life
* The Devil who went down to Georgia
* Damien from The Omen


Now get behind me.

On Family Structure

Two of the most annoying things about the argument against gay marriage/families is the idea that allowing gays to marry will somehow destroy the sanctity of marriage and that a homosexual couple would be unable to raise children properly. The people who make this argument strike me as the same kind of people who somehow missed the sexual revolution (both of them). These are the same people who are currently raging a war on women's health when they clearly have no idea how hormonal birth control works or why people take it. Literally every one of my friends who is on the pill did not start taking it as a contraceptive but took it initially to regulate or mitigate periods. I personally was put on it when I was 16 because I hadn't gotten a period for nine months, I was vomiting everywhere even though I was unable to eat because my hormones were out of whack, and I had more acne than I ever have in my life.

But I digress because I could talk about the women's health issue for a whole entry and never get to my actual point here.

My point is there is no reason why a child needs to be raised by two parents and there is no reason a child needs to be raised by two parents of different genders. Divorce may be seen blasphemous to religious folks and those campaigning for "family values" (although apparently not as blasphemous as gay marriage; Gingrich, how are the ex-wives?) but sometimes it is the right answer. And I don't mean for the parents; I mean for the children.

This is where I get personal so be warned. Ever since my AP English class in high school it has been clear to me that there is an idea that children of divorced parents are somehow less intelligent and "normal" than those who have married parents, an idea that never crossed my mind before since most of my friends have had divorced parents too. In that class my teacher asked us how many of us still had married parents for the sake of relating reality to an article we were reading on family structure and sure enough I was the only one whose parents weren't married. The only one. Later when I went to college I was reminded of this when someone said to me, "Your parents are divorced? But you're so smart!"

Here's the thing: I understand why there's an idea that children of married parents are generally smarter than children of divorced parents. You have two people to learn from and generally a larger income to facilitate a better education. You also have two people to care about whether or not you are succeeding.

The thing that is never taken into account with this idea, however, is, "what if one of the parents is actually negatively affecting their children?"

My parents separated with I was seven. Prior to the divorce I didn't think too hard about people, relationships, or whether or not my family structure was a good one. My mom stayed at home and raised my brother and my father came home from work every day around dinner time. The only alone time I ever had with him was when my mom went to exercise classes at night and sometimes on the weekends. I don't remember ever seeing my parents show affection but I only remember them arguing once and it was right before they separated.

I was unaffected by the news of the divorce after learning that I wouldn't have to move and I would still see my father fairly often. He moved into an apartment until the divorce was finalized and then into his mistress' house.

It was during this time that I actually got to know what kind of person he was. For one thing, he was weirdly strict. My mom's requests were always things that struck me as reasonable like, "Be inside by 8:30 so you can calm down before bed." He would do things like force us to eat everything he put on our plate. his mistress' cooking was pretty terrible and our tastes were never considered when meals were planned. I had to force down so many marshmallow fluff sandwiches that nearly made me vomit.

He was always disinterested in things we wanted to talk about and never had a complimentary thing to say to us. He had a crippling inferiority complex that I would later see as one of the reasons for the divorce. He would sometimes go out of his way to take us to cool places like playgrounds and science museums and introduced us to PG-13 movies but he would mostly leave us alone for long periods of time when we didn't have any other kids to hang out with. I much preferred time with my mom simply because she always acted like she cared about us.

My moment of revelation occurred one day when I went to his house and saw a wedding picture of him and his mistress. I was confused: we were his kids; why were we not invited to this event that should be significant for us? He explained that it was because they got married in Florida, but her family had taken the trip with them and he didn't even tell his family.

Shortly after, he moved a 12 hour drive away and we weren't given any reason for it. He spent lots of time after this taking my mother to court to try to pay less child support, losing badly each time. After about six months, he was only calling us once a month, if that, for no longer than five minutes and he blatantly wasn't listening half the time, just repeating a rhythm of, "cool", "great", "awesome" until he could make an excuse to hang up. The last time I had to see him I was 14 and I spent the whole trip abandoned sick on his couch while they all went out. He sent my mom the medical bill afterwards and took her back to court to pay less child support, the trip having been a plan to try to prove that he was spending money on us on his own even though that was the first time we had gone to see him in three years. He continued to send cards but he stopped talking to us entirely right after. The last time we saw him, and probably the last time we ever will, was at his father's funeral. I was 19 and my brother was 15. I refused to speak to him. He shook his hand but didn't say anything. The rest of his family gave him the cold shoulder as they had always sided with my mother. The last communication I had with him was a cruel e-mail not long after that which made me cry for an hour.

Whenever someone tries for even a second to take pity on me for being estranged from my father, I immediately shut them up. If my parents had not gotten divorced, I would be a different person than I am today. I probably would not be poor and could continue my education instead of having to work part time (since I can't find a full time job) to pay off thousands of dollars in college loans but I imagine I would be both incredibly unhappy and unwavering ignorant about the world at large. After my parent's divorce, I vowed to understand people, relationships, why people do the things they do and I've become rather good at cultivating this understanding. My father would have destroyed my life, my mother's life, and my brother's and I am so thankful that he is not part of it.

I have a friend who often seems to be a reflection of what my life might have been if my parents had never divorced. Her father is a constant negative presence in the lives of his family but her mother won't divorce him because she doesn't know how she would get by financially without him. She's depressed, her mother is depressed and her brother has behavioral issues. I try to help her however I can but I really wish there was more I could do than just try to make her feel better and insist that it won't be too long before she won't have to live under those conditions anymore.

So again, I must wonder: why are things like family structure still being treated in such specific terms? Why is it bad for a family structure to be unconventional? Being a married heterosexual person who has fathered a child does not necessarily make you a good father any more than birthing a child makes you a good mother. And adopting a child and raising him/her with your partner who is the same sex as you does not mean your parenting structure will be unbalanced or deficient.

I leave this blog with a quote from my mother. She and I don't often agree (she occasionally thinks I'm insane) and she can make quite a few insensitive comments but this was one of my favorite quotes of hers regarding the gay marriage debate: "I don't know why gay marriage is even being debated. When I was younger, interracial marriage was not allowed and now people look back on that and can't understand why we thought it was wrong. One day it will be the same with gay marriage."

Let's hope, mom.

Bokononist Ideas In "Fullmetal Alchemist"

(Originally posted on 4-9-2011)

Allow me to link you to the Wikipedia page for Bokononism if you have never read Kurt Vonnegut's wonderful "Cat's Cradle".

So I mostly want to talk about why Roy and Riza are the Most Triumphant Example of a duprass that I have found so far in media with a little bit on the Elric Brother's karass as well.

The main terms here:
* A karass is a group of people working together for some destine cause.
* A duprass is a karass of two people who's lives are interconnected and will die within a week of each other. No one can penetrate a duprass.
* A wampeter is the theme or purpose of the karass.
* A granfalloon is a false karass (for example: "OMG, we went to the same high school! It's totally fate that we meet!")

The Elric brothers may, in some way, appear to be a part of a duprass and actually probably are in the first anime but in the manga, that is extremely far from the truth. This may seem obviously when you look at how many people they meet on their journey but truly, not many of these people actually are part of the karass. Some people who definitely are actually include Mei, Dr. Marcoh, and possibly Winry because without them, they would not have reached their ultimate goal.

Roy is actually not part of their karass and it is not just because he is in a duprass with Riza. Roy is actually more like a kan-kan, the thing that brings someone into their karass. Actually the kan-kan is Truth although Roy fulfills this in a way as well. Roy is the one that encourages them to join the military which he wouldn't have done if they hadn't already been drawn into their karass by Truth. Also, while them joining the military does lead them to meeting members of their karass and ultimately helping the country, the way they ultimately get their bodies back has NOTHING TO DO with the military, Roy, Father, the Evil Plan, the homunculi, or the Philosopher's Stone.

Supposedly there are two wampeters: one the karass is moving away from, and one that it is moving towards. In the Elric Brothers case I think the one it is moving away from is finding the Philosopher's Stone which connects directly with Mei's own quest and Marcoh's research. Even after finding out what the stone is made of, seeing it, being offered it, and even being forced to have it used on them, the Stone is not actually what they need. The wampeter it is moving towards is well, Truth again really.

In case you were wondering, defeating Father is not the Elric Brothers wampeter. In fact, it's Hohenheim's (whose two wampeters are "destroying Father" and "becoming a father"). And somewhat Greed's. And Scar's. While everyone participates in trying to bring him, the soulless army, the remaining homunculi (well, kinda; both brothers fought Pride just cause and Roy fought Envy because he was pissed), and the Top Brass down, it's really the efforts of Hohenheim, Greed, and Scar that make the difference. Think about it.

So back to the Roy and Riza duprass.

It is a lot easier to tell they are a duprass when you look back on the series after you have finished it because a lot of sure-fire signs that they are a duprass are not clear until the story is over.

The first and possibly most important thing that happens to prove they are a duprass is actually Hughes' death. When Hughes dies it is sad and you understand that he was Roy's BFF and it's generally mentioned by Roy that Hughes had vowed to help him become fuhrer but it is not until the war flashback that you actually see this unfold. In the flashback Roy tells Hughes about his ambitions to redeem himself by becoming fuhrer which Hughes agrees to support seemingly making Hughes a part of a karass. It's only later that Riza is shown in Roy's office when he makes her his assistant. However, for Riza to have ended up in his office clearly already aware of his goals he would have had to tell her at some point before or after he told Hughes. He or she would also have to recommend being placed under his command. The fact that Roy is surprised she stayed in the military has nothing to do with this. He could have just as easily sent out a letter that said, "Hey, if Riza Hawkeye ends up becoming a CO, send her my way."

Either way, if Hughes was part of Roy's karass, he would not have died at that point. Simple as that. He especially wouldn't have died in the process of helping the Elric Brothers instead of Roy.

After that it would seem Roy's karass is his team but this is in fact a granfalloon. First of all, Roy hand picked his team. That's a sign that it is not a karass which is fate-determined. Next comes when Havoc ("Oh, Havoc.") gets crippled and disappears until act 5. He is still a badass and still supporting Roy in spite of his injury but his actual status as a karass member is clearly nonexistent since he can so easily disappear. The same could be said of Falman who doesn't even seem to go back under Mustang's command when everything is over and stays in the North instead (although I have no clue why).

On the contrary, during the great stripping-Roy-of-his-subordinates bit, Riza, while placed in the most dangerous, watchful position is also in the position that keeps her closest to Roy. As if keeping on eye on her would really deter her goals. Her position actually puts her at an advantage of finding out who Pride is and being able to arrange Mrs. Bradley's kidnapping, both things that assist in the goal she and Roy are working towards.

Obviously, one of the most important bits of their duprass is their shared backstory. Roy learned alchemy from her father, specifically learned flame alchemy from her (by seeing her topless; unrelated but always amusing) which is what lead to him becoming a State Alchemist, killing a bunch of people, and then wanting to redeem himself, his idealistic vision of the future was the reason she joined the military herself and then later why she stayed in to follow him, and hell, it's no coincidence that they re-met each other in Ishval when they were both at their lowest BECAUSE of each other. The whole thing reeks of fate.

Then there are about 1000 other ways they are a duprass:
* Roy's mentor is General Grumman, her grandfather (who she doesn't even seem to know is her grandfather since she said at her dad's funeral that she doesn't know her relatives).
* They have an elaborate secret code of signals and codes.
* Even without the code, Roy knew something bad had happened to her without any sign while on the phone with her.
* The fact that they openly say to each other that they don't want to live without each other and that if one of them dies, the other will off themselves.
* The fact that they are literally present at every awful thing that happens in each other's lives (or their collective life), like how Roy happened to be at her father's deathbed and happened to call her after she met Pride.
* They spent the final battle in each other arms literally working as one unit.
* Then there is the final picture of them. It's just of them. No other team members.

In fact, I think one of the best things that "Brotherhood" did with the manga (since there weren't many things it improved; it mostly took away) was actually the way it wrapped up Roy and Riza's story because in all honesty, the way it was wrapped up in the manga felt wrong.

In the manga, Riza is in the hospital talking to Rebecca about the cover up and the last thing she says is "The Colonel. His eyes." Meanwhile, Roy is sitting emo-y in a medical tent wondering what to do now that he has to retire when Marcoh is like, "Stone for better Ishval policies?" and Roy's like, "Deal."

"Brotherhood" seemed to acknowledge that this was kind of an odd way to end both their individual and collective stories. Roy being so inanimate just didn't suit him and why is Riza in an actual hospital when Roy is in a medical tent? Them being separated after everything that just happened seems really wrong (even with the epilogue photo that reiterates that they are still side by side years later).

In "Brotherhood" their ending is collective with them both in the hospital in the same room (is that allowed?; also good Riza wasn't in her sports bra like in the manga) with Roy actively working in spite of his blindness, particularly with Ishval policies before Marcoh even gets there. This came off as a lot more in character to me than the manga ending but I will attribute the manga ending to a lack of space to fully flesh things out or an excuse to include Rebecca one more time.

In conclusion, Roy and Riza = Most Triumphant Example of a Bokononist duprass.