It's no secret that my music genre of choice is rock. I could sit here rationalizing why that is but I have a different reason for bringing this up: all the time I am bombarded with people talking about the latest pop hit, asking my opinion, and then wondering why I haven't heard it. For some reason, I am expected to have heard of the latest from Kesha, to know the names of the local pop stations DJs. If I say I don't like pop music because I think it's stupid people will usually agree or say I need to turn my brain off to enjoy it. I have heard these same things said of the "Transformers" movies and honestly, turning my brain off enough to tolerate those would require death.
Either way, I am mostly able to avoid pop music. The stations I listen to are Connecticut's Alternative 104.1, Lazer 99.3, and 106.9 The Rock WCCC. In fact, the only chart topping songs I have heard on my stations in the past year were Adele's "Rolling In The Deep" (which I love) and Foster The People's "Pumped Up Kicks"; both on the alternative station.
Most pop songs I end up hearing on the radio station at work or via Todd's Pop Song Reviews. I swear.
It's not that I cannot relish is something stupid and fun. I listen to the Descendents for example. Quality instruments? Nope. Profound lyrics? Nope (with perhaps the exception of "'Merican.") Will they ever get any awards or recognition? Nope. They are just a footnote in the history of punk to be noted and then moved away from. They are no Clash, Misfits, or Bad Religion. And yet, I like them.
Pop music is a strange genre because there is one thing that separates it from most other genres: the inconsistency of an artist. Most musicians make music that falls into a specific range of quality or style and they generally follow that throughout their career with small shifts. Generally, if you like their stuff, you like their stuff. You may dislike a particular song but on the whole, you like them. Because pop music is so directly about appealing to a mass consumer base and often because of different producers/writers/etc. the same artist could make songs that range from good to bad with alarming infrequency. Sure there are some pop stars who are mostly good (Rhianna, Pink, Kanye West) and some who are mostly bad (LMFAO, a lot of what I will list below), but most and a lot of the ones I just mentioned, fluctuate all over the quality scale and I am someone who believes in a standard of quality and the challenge in life is distinguishing between personal taste and actual quality.
To prove this idea, I will give my honest opinions (both in quality and personal taste) of the hits of some of pop music's most debateable artists: Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, the Black Eyed Peas, Kesha, and Justin Bieber. I will probably have to do a lot of looking up for some of them since a bunch of them I haven't heard the whole way through or at all.
Lady Gaga:
Overall with Gaga I find that she has had a few early songs I loved and everything since then has been about me liking one small part of the song and hating another part.
Just Dance
I love this song. No really. I listen to it all the time. It's a dance song with a dark, desperate side that actually makes you want to dance and I do every time it comes on. The only criticism I have is the rap in the middle. It's not the worst rap ever but it is completely wrong for the song. That rap could be thrown into any dance song ever written but in this one it's joyous outlook contrasts a bit with the underlying theme. A more appropriate rap would be, "Girl, you're a mess."
Poker Face
I didn't like this song the first time I heard it. Now after hearing it a thousand times, I don't know what I think about it. It's been played and parodied so much that I can't even sort out my feelings on it. A bad song is made worse from overplay but a song I find kind of unlikeable and strange? My thoughts get muddled. However, I love the acoustic version and I think Gaga should be like Ayumi Hamasaki and release an acoustic album of her songs. I'd listen the shit out of that.
LoveGame
This song is crap lyrically but unfortunately I like the beat quite a bit and that little bit before the "discostick" crap is rather pretty. Overall, I don't ever want to hear this song but if I do, I can bear it.
Paparazzi
I love this song. The end.
Bad Romance
The first time I heard this I pretty much found it hard to distinguish from "Poker Face." However, as time went on, I grew to like it. The lyrics are amusing and I like the darker, stompy beat. I grew to tolerate the gibberish but Lady Gaga, you are no Cab Calloway.
Telephone
The first time I heard this my response was: I see why they had to make such an over the top video; this song is boring. It's catchy but it lacks all substance.
Alejandro
Again catchy, no substance. That seemed to be the theme of her "Fame Monster" album. If you like the tune, go listen to "Don't Turn Around" by Ace of Base. Same tune, better song (dead serious).
Born This Way
Hm. Here's the thing with this song: I think most of the lyrics are fine and certainly more effective at talking about loving yourself than Katy Perry's "Firework" below but the beat makes me want to shove my head in the oven. This song is best taken in small doses.
Judas
Just heard this for the first time. It's like a Nine Inch Nails song sung by a Middle Eastern female rapper mated with a cute pop song about loving the one you shouldn't. I feel like I need to listen to it a few more times to sort out what I think but I can definitely say that I feel like a potentially very good song got ruined by Gaga going, "No! More WEIRDNESS!"
Edge of Glory
I really like this one and as you can see, it's been a while since I could say that. The back beat is a little abusive but a.) nowhere near as bad as with "Born This Way" and b.) it's clearly an intentional 80s homage. But check out that fucking sax! Bitchin. It's lyrically simple but really makes you happy and seriously Gaga, you should always sing. Whatever you were doing in "Judas" during the verses was fucking weird. I should download this one. Don't know why I haven't yet.
You and I
Had no idea this was Gaga but I knew the song because it's pretty much a pop country song. It's actually a pretty good song but really not to my taste and really not very Gaga. This song is pretty much proof that Gaga's followers care just as much if not more about her than the music.
Katy Perry
First I should say something about Katy Perry songs: 1.) They are all incredibly ear wormy whether you like them or not and 2.) Katy Perry cannot sing to save her life so the quality of her songs must be judged independent of their catchiness or her awful voice.
I Kissed A Girl:
*facepalm*
Ignoring the two contingencies listed above, that's all I have to say.
Hot n Cold
This song is fun. A lot of her songs that are not annoyingly self-indulgent are legitimately fun.
Waking Up In Vegas
Never heard this song until today. Oh wait, now that I'm hearing it, I have but not in it's entirety. This one is fun too. Ignoring her awful voice, this song is really enjoyable. I want to have a night as fun as this one sounds and that's clearly the goal. Success.
California Gurls
This song is awful. See what I mean by annoying self-indulgent? I really would like to not hear this song ever again. Especially since she has another song with virtually the same tune that's way better . . .
Teenage Dream
This song is fun. Be prepared to get sick of that word. The lyrics are good, the tune is pretty much the same as the above but that's kind of her shtick, and I actually believe her. It's a love song by Katy Perry that I believe. Holy shit.
Firework
Okay. Most of Perry's songs are either awful or fun, stupid pop songs. This is the only one that falls in between. The lyrics are misguided and sometimes outright bad and I am done with this stuttering trend in pop songs but I can't say I hate this one. The firework comparison is one of the only good analogies in the song and I can't say it completely fails as an inspirational song. I don't want to listen to it but I don't object to it.
ET
And back to awful. Why does this song even exist? The beat is heinous, the lyrics are stupid, and the overall theme (boinking aliens) is crazy weird for a pop song. I mean, I listen to Voltaire talking about boinking zombies but he does it with HUMOR. This song is done in seriousness. The only reason it should have ever come into existence is as a theme song to a movie (about boinking aliens).
Last Friday Night
This is probably my favorite Katy Perry song. Yes. I said that. It's a great party song and probably her most fun (last time, I swear). It actually makes me want to have a party.
The One That Got Away
Just heard this for the first time. Color me surprise. This isn't fun and it isn't awful (I mean, aside from the singing of course) and I actually kind of believe it. I guess someone mentioned to her that if she wanted to stop being so one note she would have to churn out something with some depth. Also love the Johnny Cash references. Shit. I think I like this song.
Black Eyed Peas
Where Is The Love?
I have this. I listen to this. It's not the best rap ever (that's a pattern with BEP songs) but it's a good song. Yes, another the-world-is-going-to-hell song but it's catchy and covers a wide spectrum.
Shut Up
I totally forgot that the Peas used to be R&B. Also forgot Fergie used to actually sing. So I actually like this song and I think I might go download it. I love songs where there is a dialogue between a male and female singer and the lyrics in this song are actually better than is usual for the Peas. Things are about to take a turn though . .
Hey Mama
Let's try to be fair: I like the instruments a lot and it's almost a good dance song. Almost. The chorus is pretty stupid but enjoyable for dancing. The rest of the song should not happen. Actually a lot of my sympathy for this song might be thanks to this video of the "Hetalia" characters in an iPod commercial.
Dance countries! Dance!
Let's Get It Started
This is a better dance song with a better rap that has some believable brags (stupid brags will become a thing for them as they become too big for their bitches) and although I know people get hung up by the censorship, I prefer the censored ("let's get retarded?" What are we 12?). The instrumentals are way better than in most Peas songs (is that a trumpet and an oboe or am I hearing things?). Now that I'm listening to it again, I almost want to download it. Seriously.
Don't Phunk with My Heart
And here's where clear signs of unfixable suck start to emerge. Only good thing about this song is stolen. This is not the last time I will say this. At least the song clip actually fits with the rest of the song. Will.i.am can't rap most of the time though and that's the key. This song is one such example. "If you smoke, I'll smoke too" "I love you more than sex appeal." Yeah romantic shit right there.
Don't Lie
First time I heard this song. Wow. The Peas were never particularly great at lyrics and this is true from beginning to end but this song? Say what you will about sloppy lyric moments but this is a good song. I'm floored. Especially considering their next hit.
My Humps
"Okay, Peas, I have this great idea! From now on we are only going to sing really stupid, clumsy brag songs. You're popular enough that it shouldn't matter that your lyrics misstep sometimes. Also, Fergie, no more singing. I want nasally whining from here on out. So for your first brag song I'm thinking we should try to make the curves of a women's body as unappealing as possible. Also, let's sound shallow! Really shallow! That's cool right?" *gags*
Pump It
Oy. Another brag song. I couldn't even listen to this. The lyrics are intolerable and SO lazy. The only good thing about this song is a stolen beat.
Boom Boom Pow
Awful. Why do they insist on singing about how fucking awesome they are? The key to a brag song is being awesome enough and wording it eloquently enough that I believe it even if I don't like you. Also, the digital shit. Oh, how much they will abuse the digital shit in future songs. My ears cannot handle this.
I Gotta Feeling
For a change of pace: How can you not love this? Seriously, how? Yes, it's the Peas but this song is good. Period.
Meet Me Halfway
Such a pretty song. And yes, I never thought I would use that adjective to describe a Peas song. I listen to this one all the time. This is a song that shows what the Peas could be if they tried to not be ear-shattering unlistenable.
Rock That Body
Over processed sludge. It absolutely baffles me that during this era of brag music that gets progressively more digitized and processed they also had "I Gotta Feeling" and "Meet Me Halfway", great songs without any of the problems of their other songs.
Imma Be
How can you even get past the beginning of this? Another "We're fucking awesome" song that's as bad as "Boom Boom Pow" although perhaps slightly more nonsensical. And more digital crap. But wait! There's more:
Dirty Bit
This song is so awful I can't even wrap my mind around it. Poor use of a good song (stolen), bastardized tune, awful lyrics. Make it stop.
Just Can't Get Enough
Too little, too late. This song sounds like heaven after having to listen to those last three but it's still not good. The first two thirds of the song are almost a throwback to their earlier sounds that I mostly liked: lyrics about actual feelings albeit not the best, Fergie singing a nice chorus, not too processed. Then it kicks into their newer "futuristic" sound and I'm lost. Don't like it. Don't want to kill it. Don't need it. Bye bye Peas. I hope if you ever come back, it will be after some intense reevaluation. Otherwise, go away forever.
Kesha
Tik Tok
The first time I heard this was exactly like the first time I heard "Poker Face." I thought, "Hm, that's odd. I don't like it but I don't really hate it." And like "Poker Face", overplay leaves me confused on my exact feelings although I think I started to dislike it more until I eventually became immune. On the basest level, this song is stupid and part of that might be because Kesha SOUNDS stupid. The chorus isn't too bad. But please, never play this song again. I beg you.
Blah Blah Blah
THIS MAKES ME WANT TO DIE.
STUPID BEAT STUPID "LYRICS" STUPID 3OH3 STUPID KESHA OGOD MAKE IT STOP.
Your Love Is My Drug
I do not believe a love song by Kesha. The lyrics suck, the tune is oppresive, and I never want to hear it again.
Take It Off
Let me blow your mind: This song might have the worst vocals (or at least synthesizing) but I think I actually like the beat and, yes, to an extent, the lyrics. Sure it's gross but it's an almost enjoyable kind of gross. I would definitely like a punk goes pop cover of this even though I don't particularly like most of this.
We R Who We R
Almost enjoyable beat. Lyrics that make me want to die. A brag song from Kesha can only be this disgusting. S-s-s-s-tuttering s-s-s-sucks. Especially when it's this harsh.
Blow
This almost sounds like a real song. Kesha is almost singing and the lyrics are, well, about partying, but a notable improvement over everything else here. I could dance to this without too much shame.
Justin Bieber
I will need to use short, short comments to avoid sounding repetitive. Bieber is simply a machine designed to pander to little girls. All lyrics are bad and repetitive to no avail, the tunes all sound exactly the same and he sounds like a child. Watch as I struggle to say anything else on the matter.
One Time
Lies. You say it way more than one time.
One Less Lonely Girl
What every 10 year old girl thinks they'd be with Bieber.
Baby
So called because that's what's singing it right?
Eenie Meenie
Nursery rhymes in a love song sounds like an appropriate choice for this child.
Somebody To Love
"Hi, little girls. Pander. Pander. Pander."
Pray
At least it's not a love song. However, I question his true understanding of the world's problems being that he's a functional embryo and all.
Never Say Never
I hesitate to say the word "best" but it is of this pool of suck. Still don't want to hear it though.
Mistletoe
His voice changed. Thank the PTB. Otherwise, lazy acoustic song. Stop saying "Shawty!"
In conclusion, I listen to: "Just Dance", "Paparazzi", "The Edge Of Glory", "Last Friday Night", "Where Is The Love?", "I Gotta Feeling", and "Meet Me Halfway."
I could listen to (and may consider downloading): "Bad Romance", "Hot n Cold", "Waking Up In Vegas", "Teenage Dream", "The One That Got Away", "Shut Up", "Let's Get It Started", "Don't Lie", and "Blow".
Okay. Now I need a nap. And a shot. Or 12.
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