(Originally posted on 11-1-2010)
So every week Adam tell me absurd stories about things he has to do at work and one thing that I always find interesting is when he either disproves or proves that some media representation of the military is accurate. Here are three examples pulled from many, many talks.
#1
Media: In the movie "Saving Private Ryan", a small group of soldiers is sent out to find one missing private whose brothers have all been killed in action so they could send him home.
Adam's Assessment: This one I asked him directly because I was curious. He said, "Would the military really do that? It's a stupid mission so yeah, they would." According to him, the idea of such a mission is so ridiculous that even though the story is only slightly based in truth, the idea that the military would call for such a thing is completely possible. I can't tell one hundred percent if his assessment is based in bitterness or in experience but I choose to believe both.
#2
Media: In "Fullmetal Alchemist" Colonel Mustang jokingly gives Hawkeye's dog, Hayate, the rank of second lieutenant because of how useful he has been during missions.
Adam's Assessment: I didn't ask Adam about this because it seemed too silly to be true. He offered up the information himself: "When I was in Spain there was this dog. Now, I love dogs but this dog was this ugly, smelly bulldog that shat everywhere and was mean and just fucking annoying. It was named Corporal Badass. Yes, this dog had a rank and it outranked me! It got promoted to Sergent while I was there and there was a fucking ceremony and everything! I hate that fucking dog."
#3
Media: In "Full Metal Jacket" the drill instructor at boot camp is a total dick at all times driving one recruit to kill him and then kill himself.
Adam's Assessment: It's 100% true. Right down to the murder which is apparently something that has happened in the past more than once. Apparently in recent years the marine corps. has been thinking about trying to curb such behavior a least slightly but the amount of people calling for the same strategy is just too large to really make any changes. I personally think it's part of the, "do unto others" idea which is why it's so unchanging.
And now you know.
And knowing is half the battle.
There was also this one time after I finished reading "Fullmetal Alchemist" (6-15-2010) where we had a conversation discussing the relationship between Roy and Riza, two military officers:
Kay: So I just finished this book series, the one that helped me learn all the officer ranks of the military, and there's this guy and girl who fight together and are clearly supposed to be together but there was no confirmation whether they were or not at the end of the story!
Adam: What are their ranks?
Kay: She's a lieutenant. He's a colonel.
Adam: There's no way that would happen. There's a huge gap between them in rank and colonels are all, like, 40.
Kay: In the context of this story alchemy exists and if you enter the military as an alchemist, you are immediately given a major-equivalent rank. That's how he's a colonel and only 30.
Adam: Does he get paid the same as a major?
Kay: Yeah, but his power is more like that of a captain and he gets extra funding for alchemical research since he has to turn in research every year to re-qualify.
Adam: That's good.
Kay: So he's an alchemist and she's a sniper and his personal bodyguard. . .
Adam: Wait! A lieutenant as a bodyguard?! Bodyguards are basically bullet sponges.
Kay: Did you miss the part where I said she's a sniper? You just had a five minute rant about how you are convinced a sniper could sneak up to you in an open field and steal your wallet without you even noticing they were there.
Adam: Okay, okay. Fine.
(Here's my mistake. I went on to explain the nature of their relationship without specifying that all the fights I was referring to were not during the war but during fights against the series' bad guys, meaning certain levels of professionalism are not required and they aren't following someone else's orders. During the war, they were never around each other because of their drastically different jobs)
Adam: That is impossible.
Kay: . . . ?
Adam: No one would ever let them fight together. I mean, I wouldn't want to fight with like, my brother if I had a brother.
Kay: I know. They're too emotionally involved for them to NOT be together.
Adam: They would have been separated immediately. They're obviously together. This is so inaccurate.
Kay: Dude, it's a fictional country in a fictional book where alchemy is possible and the country is run under a military dictatorship by a guy who looks like Hitler with an eyepatch and is an artificially created human. Suspension of disbelieve much?
Adam: I'm not reading this.
Kay: I wouldn't have told you too. Clearly, you can't handle the idea of fictional.
And I have no idea how Adam is able to watch "Harry Potter" without knocking over tables.
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